Arrow to the Knee
by Drake S. Hellion
Summary: Garius Stuis decides its high time he track down the felons who keep kneeshotting adventurers and making them become boring city guards till the end of their days. His adventure unfolds in this tale of epic win! RnR, I own nothing mentioned... not even Garius Stuis.


Arrow to the Knee

Skyrim was a beautiful land, a lovely land who's beauty was matched only by its dangers. As Garius Stuis, an Imperial who was super young, good looking with red eyes and powerful features, rippling muscles, y'know. The stuff of most women's fantasies. Garius was always a busy-body, if he wasn't busy being the Arch-mage for The College of Winterhold he was often working his side job as Listener for the Dark Brotherhood, sometimes he even took time off to check in with his pals in the Legion and Companions.

Oh, he was a Werewolf too. For added power, since… y'know, Garius totally needed it since he could shred, burn and freeze people with his voice alone. But, as he travelled to Whiterun to visit his private manor. The one in Whiterun anyway, he made a point to buy every available house in Skyrim. He was going to drop off his latest stock of ingredients and sell his four full sets of Dragonplate armor, forged to Legendary quality because he was a master smith in his spare time! Along with a master of destruction, restoration, one and two handed weapons. Shields.

Thinking about it, Garius decided that he must be the most multitalented man alive.

And he loved it!

"I used to be an Adventurer like you…" Spoke a Whiterun guard as he passed the heavily dressed man. Garius couldn't believe he wore all that on a hot sunny day like this. "But then I took in the knee."

Something in his mind snapped that moment. He turned to the guard and asked. "Oh really? I have to say… a lot of guards say that, I know a few in every city who say that… and now, I have to ask…" Garius narrowed his eyes. His deadric, heavily enchanted armor that allowed his stamina, magic and even wounds to heal exptionally fast, glinted slightly. "Where did this happen?"

The guard backed up once, fearful the Thane, Garius got that title for being a good errand boy! Would get angry. "Well, it was up in the mountain, east of here…" he explained.

Garius, having perfect insight and even though the guard didn't point or gesture or pick out a map and point on that, knew where he had to go to find the spot.

He saluted the guard, said. "Good work, now hold these!" he tossed four sets of Dragonplate armor at the guard, who tried to catch them, but was crushed by the heavy armor forged from dragons bones and scales.

Garius turned and sprinted with haste.

He didn't bother to check that the guard he had tossed the armor at was alive or dead under the weight of the heavy plates…and he was dead with the spike of a helmet through his neck.

Garius Stuis made it to the area he felt was the guards place where his adventuring had ended after a violent kneeshot.

He slowly scanned the snowy trees, rocks and hilltops until finally he said. "Fus ro dah!"

An arrow shot out from the tree he was looking at, then it was shattered when the powerful unrelenting force hit connected with it, it scattered the snow and broke the tree and sent it flying off to divines know where.

Standing there was a beautiful, naturally, redheaded wood elf with a bow wearing leather, rather revealing too, armor and her face was flawless, also naturally, and she gazed upon him. Blushing and realising she had found a good target for her other needs other then to cap a few wondering people.

Garius blurred forward and stopped dead in front of her, his breath fanning her face, which smelled oddly good, and arousing, for someone who never seemed to brush or wash his mouth.

"Are you the one who's been shooting wonderers in the knee?" he asked, voice smooth. And still arousing!

She blushed, nodding and stepping back. Shifting her shoulders ever so slightly that her revealing leather armor, why she wore it so revealing in the cold winter mountains was beyond him, and he got a good show. "Yes… one of us anyways," she revealed easily in words too.

"Oh?" Garius raised a brow.

"Yes," she nodded slowly, still gazing intently at Garius, because he was obviously the only man in Skyrim, and the world, who made women want him by just speaking. "We're an order of archers dedicated to wiping out adventurers… and increasing the guards per city." she explained further.

Loose lips, it seemed. Garius snickered at the double meaning before he straightened out again. "I see, where is this order of yours based out of? I may be interested in joining…" he said.

"Our main base is in Winterhold," she replied. "Also, my name is Arial, I'm single and it gets so lonely and cold in my tent, and the journey is so far away to there, you could rest with me…" she pouted, shfting on her legs.

Garius was too busy contemplating how to best reach Winterhold, he could steal a horse from white run, then say he was the Thane and they would allow it, or turn into his wolf form and run the way there, or just ride Shadowmere… hell, maybe he'd teleport there with magic? Decisions, decision..

He felt a hand on his crotch.

He looked at her red face.

No one touched his shiny legendary and heavily enchanted deadric armor and lived! Not even hot women who wanted to bed him like a wild dragon!

"FUS RO-FUCKING-DAH!"

Nobody questioned the black dot soaring into the sky when they looked up to the clear blue sky that day. What they did question was why Garius, man of awesome, was polishing his crotch piece with the zeal of a Talos priest on a skooma high.

With that done, he mounted Shadowmere and rode towards Winterhold with a purpose. His powerful red eyes glinted with power of the Dragon born.

Listener…

Shut up! I'm busy carrying out a personal vendetta!

Oh…okay, just… come visit soon. The contracts are piling up.

Yeah, yeah…

That annoyance out of the way, Garius continued onwards until he finally reached Winterhold. "Ah, Winterhold, so lively… so… horse dung worthy," he sighed. Winterhold never looked good.

He walked into the tavern, people greeted him, kissed his ass and cursed him. He went up to the bartender and asked, "Arrow in the knee order, where they at?"

The bartender nodded to the peeps in the corner who could have heard him practically shout his question but apparently they didn't, so he walked over to them. Slammed a fist on the table and inquired for all to hear.

"I hear you boys are the boys I should talk to about capping some boys out on the road," he paused. "Boys…"

The three in the corner looked around, no one of course paid attention. "We are." one confirmed.

"Who's asking?" another asked. Because, y'know, Garius isn't the most widely known man in, oh wait. He was.

"Uh…I'm The Arch-mage, Thane of Whiterun, Listener for the Darkbrotherhood, A companion, a member of the legion, oh, and Dragonborn, werewolf man… and… uh…" he shrugged. "That's my titles, oh!" he grinned. "And defiler of crypts!"

"Never heard of ya." the three chorused.

"Oh," Garius blinked. "Well, can I speak to your leader?"

"Sure, but you need to prove to us you can cap like a pro-OW!" all three men cried out and fell to the floor with arrows in their knees, sweet, sweet dearic arrows.

Garius holstered his bow, then said. "Impressed?"

The leader gave the thumbs up. Gestured to outside, "Our base is over there…"

Garius was off again!

Garius was pissed.

The base of the Arrows in the Knee order was across Skyrim and Shadowmere had wondered off to deliver his suits of Ebony Armor that Garius had forged in his spare time on the trip with a two rocks and a fire spell. So he couldn't ride her to the base, So, he resorted to using a carriage, the ride was long and boring and long.

So, arriving at the base. He was pissed, the base was a small, unassuming shack in the middle of nowhere. He stared at it, then… he walked up to and knocked.

The door opened a crack. "What's the password?"

"I used to be an adventurer, then I took a arrow in the knee." Garius monotoned.

"Welcome brother," the door opened and Garius stepped inside. Inside was much nicer, rugs, warm lights and many arrows. Two people were huddled by a table and seemed to be plotting.

Finally, the leader stood and greeted Garius cheerily. "Greetings, brother! What brings you to our orders door?"

"Your death…" Garius drawled simply, then asked. "But first, why go through all this?"

"Because!" The leader suddenly got angry, furious. "When I was an adventurer! I was shot in the knee by a bandit and forced to become a guard! I hated that job! I loved traveling, I loved the wilds and I most certainly loved being away from my accursed family!" he explained in shouting.

Garius nodded slowly. "So, this is all about your own capping and how you want others to feel your suffering?" he asked slowly.

"Yes! And now you di-"

"Yol Toor Shul!" Garius shouted and fire spewed a massive wave of flame from his mouth, engulfing the men in heat, they burned, screamed and turned to ash… as did the wall behind them, and the grass and tree behind that.

And the bunny!

That done, Garius turned. Drew his bow and yelled. "Joor zah frul!"

A dragon plummeted from the clouds and hit the ground like a meteor. Garius nodded in approval, then raised his hands and summoned his lightning. "UNLIMITED POWER!" he let loose a hail of lightning and shocked the dragon to death in no time.

"Now, for more armor…"

And so, Garius solved another Skyrim problem, making it 999 for Divines knows how many to go…

The end!


End file.
